Weird But Real Hello Kitty Merchandise That Actually Exists
Sure, you've seen coffee mugs and backpacks graced with Hello Kitty's likeness but did you know that she has her own sparkling wine?
Regardless of how you personally feel about her, we are all familiar with Hello Kitty. Since her inception in the '70s, the cartoon cat has become ubiquitous worldwide (I'm ignoring the recent revelation that Hello Kitty isn't a cat at all but is supposedly a human girl).
If you just can't get enough of her, here are some more weird but true Hello Kitty branded items that really exist!
Hello Kitty Bidet
In case you don't know what a bidet is, I will just direct you to this funny video of people using a bidet for the first time, rather than detailing the definition and usages of a bidet on my pristine blog. I really don't want to come up in search engines for people looking for "bidets" but likely I've used the word "bidet" enough times so far that this post will probably come up in top searches for "bidets" so I suppose the damage is already done. Also, if you don't know what a bidet is, you only have to take a glance at this picture to figure it out:
Hello Kitty Bed
Squeaky clean though your butt may be! ...Get this bed if you never want to have sex again:
Hello Kitty Wedding Dress
If you are really crazy [about Hello Kitty] and you already have the Hello Kitty bidet ... and you've somehow wrangled a man who will accept your Hello Kitty bedroom set, he probably won't mind walking you down the aisle in this looker ... and boy have I got the dress for you!
Or, if you're not getting married and you just like to play dress up in the privacy of your own house while traipsing around pretending you're a pretty princess and putting the lotion in the basket, then, again ... have I got the dress for you!
Hello Kitty Guitar
If you feel like shredding, yet you still want to be in close proximity to an adorable Japanese stuffed animal face, have no fear! The Hello Kitty guitar will do just that. It will also prohibit people from taking you seriously as a musician - unless you're this guy:
Hello Kitty Airstream Trailer Home
Why use a normal run of the mill, boring, stinky old tour bus when you can have your very own customized Hello Kitty Airstream trailer for touring the country with your rockin' band?! Naturally, you will have outfitted the interior with all the Hello Kitty appliances you can find, and your bandmates will be pleasing crowds across the nation on their Hello Kitty drums and keyboard.
Hello Kitty Hospital
Granted, you probably can't purchase the actual hospital, but you CAN injure yourself in its direct proximity and then be rushed there for immediate hospitalization! Just try to avoid injuries that require anesthesia to fix so that you can stay awake and admire your adorable surroundings.
Or, if you're really into hatching plans: get knocked up, fly to Taiwan before the bump starts to show, then pop the kid out in the Hello Kitty hospital. Of course, you'll have to adorn your newborn child in Hello Kitty gear (what else would possibly do?!) and fly back to your home land aboard the ...
Hello Kitty Jet:
Not only is the outside covered in every Sanrio character imaginable, they also feed you Hello Kitty shaped cuisine:
... and you are practically guaranteed never to have any in-flight trouble since you will basically be the laughingstock of the skies and all the respectable flight craft will be as far away from your plane as possible.
Hello Kitty Breast Pump
If upon landing in boring old America (or wherever you live that is definitely not as interesting as the Hello Kitty Hospital), and you need to reminisce about your friendly (and adorable!) experience post-giving birth, you can procure one of these handy Hello Kitty breast pumps so that you never have to go even one minute without staring into the mesmerizing black jellybean eyes of everyone's favorite "cat."