Caturdays With Thomas, Week 1: I Got A New Chair!
Thomas (the cat) decided that he's made enough appearances on That Cat Blog's Instagram account by now and his bloated ego has led him to the conclusion that he would make a great column writer (?!?!?!???) So sucker that I am, I hereby present to you "Caturdays With Thomas" wherein Thomas muses about his goings-on in the week past. Here's Week 1.
Finally! The strange lady lets me have my own column! I learned how to type just for this.
I have so much to say and this is literally my only outlet, since I am a captive of this Brooklyn apartment. Mom keeps rambling about how she's going to start leash training me but I don't know what that means. NOT COOL if it involves that straight-jacket thingy she puts on me sometimes (and then takes a billion pictures of and laughs her head off, even though it's just me and her in the apartment...)
This week I have to say the highlight was when Ma bought me a new chair!
ALL MINE.
She said it was hers and that she bought it expressly for the fact she wanted to create a "reading nook" (what a loser!) BUT of course I claimed it immediately by plopping down on it and falling asleep, thereby refusing to let her commence her "nook reading" or whatever.
She bought it on this thing called Craigslist, and I said, "GREAT if I get a bedbug infestation Mom, I'm gonna sue your ass!!!" She said, "Don't worry, I like to live on the edge." I said, "That doesn't make me feel better."
I don't know how to Photoshop yet so you're just going to have to deal with that boog in my nose.
She also had to move a bunch of furniture around to make her "Reading Nook" and I took the liberty of climbing on everything to make sure it was still made of solid matter.
It was.
Later in the week, I took the most magnificent nap, but I made the mistake of dozing off next to Mom and she started taking a ton of pics which OF COURSE disturbed my precious slumber.
No I was not drooling.
Then before breakfast one day, Dad had the AUDACITY to "Lion King" me. Now, I don't know what that means, but let's hope those idiots don't make this a daily ritual.
UGH!!!! Just feed me already why don't you???
Mom said I looked like I had "bunny paws" but I literally never listen to anything she says.
This is my scary "I'm half asleep still but you are annoying the CRAP out of me" face.
Well I hope I've provided you a glimpse into the comic goldmine that is my life (SIGH). I have to put up with so much crap, as you can see! It feels good to finally expose the myriad injustices I face every day! So in that spirit, I shall see you peasants next week. Ta ta!
-Thomas
